How Consent is Good For Every-Body

We all like being at choice, and those who offer it

Justin H. Lee
4 min readDec 2, 2021


Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

I’ve learned a lot from co-hosting cuddle gatherings over the years.

While these events are strictly platonic, connective, and a lot of fun, they can also bring up a lot of considerations around consent, boundaries, and what it means to be intimate, while not romantic, with other humans.

It’s been an impactful process of holding space, playful presence, and seeing where my own edges lay.

As the importance of consent continues to be at the forefront of our collective consciousness, something I notice that comes up for me is the question of what it means for me to ask for consent, not so much in regards to gender issues, but simply in the idea of what it means to be at choice and freedom.

I believe, on a deep level, we all like being at choice.

Often, something as simple as hugging someone, rubbing their shoulders, or seemingly doing something nice for them when they haven’t asked can be welcome, meaningful, and innocent gestures of connection.

The shadow aspect of this is we also often accept things from others more so because it’s what’s expected, rather than being something we’re actually a yes to.

Most times, for everyone involved, this is ok, and even practical as it helps to make the world go round.

But something I’ve noticed for myself in my exploration of connection and intimacy is that the more personal freedom I feel, the more integrity and affirmation I experience around what I’m doing and how I engage with others.

Creating and Maintaining Relationship Integrity

When I speak of integrity, it’s important to define it as what gives our Being solidity rather than being about the right and wrong of morals and ethics.

Like a boat or a bridge, the more integrity we have, the more stable, functional, and useful we become.

For me, what helps me feel in integrity and more at ease with myself, the other person, and the situation, is when I ask before offering or doing something for someone.



Justin H. Lee

Human/Being • Expat in Asia • Connection Facilitator • Slightly Angsty • Writes on Mental Health, Relationship Dynamics, Man Stuff, and Heart-Forward Leadership