Evolving Our Desire For Intimacy & Connection
I thought I wanted sex when what I really desired, and needed, was presence and connection.
It seems all too often, what we desire, is what’s keeping us apart.
It can be so easy to turn to sex as the default way to further connect with each other. Our animal bodies are innocent in their desire and ability to give and receive physical pleasure.
There have been many times in my life when I thought what I wanted was sex, when upon reflection, I realize what I really wanted was presence and connection.
For a good part of my twenties, I pursued meaningless and casual sex. Not only that, but I was desperately addicted to marijuana and near the tail end of my exploration of substance use I graduated to harder recreational drugs.
Weekend, and the occasional weekday, use of powder and pills became a norm. A way of feeling my body, of feeling connected. And when that wasn’t enough, I’d turn to the pleasures of the flesh.
When I look back during that time of my life, I see someone who was deeply hurting. Someone who felt so much, yet found himself in dark rooms with loud music seeking open eyes, unaware that what his heart was seeking was another warm heart with whom to dance and sing.
